“Behold the millennial mother in her natural habitat. Observe as she struggles through the continuous cycle of changing dirty diapers, baking allergen-free snacks, and protecting small hands from electrical sockets while working two jobs and earning her master’s degree. Note the millennial’s limber fingers, adapted from years of evolution to wrestle socks over kicking feet, rescue burning pieces of pasta from under the stove burner, and type late-night discussion posts at a rate of 92 wpm. The millennial mother
can regularly be identified by the trademark dark circles under the eyes and the slight air of desperation surrounding her, akin to that of a drowning pelican.” Yeah, you used a British accent as you read that, right? Maybe you even saw yourself as the leading star, producer, stunt woman, narrator, and director in that documentary.
Believe me, on the outside, I looked like I had it all together. I wrote that documentary in my abundant free time, then directed and starred in it. I made sure I displayed an image of ambition and success to the world, all carefully balanced with my flawless execution of wife, mother, and career. But after what I would call a minor physical breakdown disguised as a night in the emergency room, I decided something needed to change, or I was going to break.
Superwoman Syndrome
In a world that glorifies hustle culture and equates success with a constant state of busyness, are you experiencing the superwoman syndrome? You know, the woman who juggles career, family, social commitments, and self-care—all flawlessly. It's no wonder many of us feel like we're on a never-ending treadmill1. You’re not alone. The pursuit of more—more experiences, more achievements, more everything—often leaves us feeling stressed, anxious, and disconnected from what truly matters. What if the secret to a happier, more fulfilling life isn’t in doing more but in doing less?
Slow Living Mentality
Slow living opposes a fast-paced life, something which desires as many experiences as possible in a short time. Living at a high speed means we often live hastily, artificially, and anxiously. A philosophy of slow living can remove these stressors by encouraging intentional simplicity and savoring the present moment. Sometimes, the pure quantity of our experiences diminishes their quality. We often don’t have the time or mental space to engage with all the things we’re completing, making them feel less enjoyable and fulfilling.
I love planning fun outings for my kids, like the trip to the Seattle Zoo for my son’s first birthday, followed by cupcakes. I was so focused on trying to get to the cupcake place before they closed that we rushed through the zoo exhibits. Instead of enjoying my son’s smile at seeing the new gorilla baby, I was searching my phone for an alternative cupcake place with a later closing time.
I have many stories like this—moments missed that I won’t get back because I was too busy planning the next one. Living in the future is missing the present. In turn, this causes physical, emotional, and mental stress, the feeling that you’re always running behind. Giving yourself enough downtime to process your experiences makes them more memorable. Your children need the downtime and space to process their experiences too.
When we’re constantly on the go, we may feel burnout, anxiety, and depression. But when we focus on the simple beauty happening all around us instead of on what we want the future to look like, it’s easier to find joy in our lives and realize just how little we need to be happy. The world values productivity and hustle culture, but taking a step back can help lower our stress so we have the mental space to determine what it is that we actually want and what brings us joy.
Giving yourself enough downtime to process your experiences makes them more memorable. Your children need the downtime and space to process their experiences too.
As famous American philosopher Henry David Thoreau notes in his book Walden, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”2 Thoreau emphasizes the importance of slowing down one’s life and the idea that simplifying our lives actually is the key to happiness.
Accomplishment doesn’t require speed. If you desire to experience peace, reduce mental burnout, and be happier, then do less. I know, I’m laughing at myself as I write this because it’s easier said than done. But there are countless ways to apply the idea of slow living to your life that don’t require you to quit your job and wander into the woods.
How Do We Adopt A Slow Living Mentality?
Simplify Your Schedule
I started saying no to things. I prioritized relaxation in my schedule, my kids’ schedule, and our lives. I carved out time in the schedule to simply be. In our desire to give our kids all the best experiences this world has to offer, we often create overcrowded schedules. Activities become more of a burden, like a busy to-do list to rush through instead of cherished events. The very activities meant to embellish our lives end up controlling our lives.
I decided that we would only do one thing at a time. So, if we participated in a class for budding artists, we only did art for those few weeks. If we joined Soccer Tots, we only focused on soccer for those two months. I schedule time to be present and to enjoy and process our experiences.
2. Detox From Technology
A big part of slowing down was reducing my technology use. I unplugged during meals, activities, and conversations. I reminded myself that I wasn’t the ultimate multi-tasker I thought myself to be and allowed my brain to be fully present and attentive to what was happening around me. I stopped focusing on getting the perfect social media photo to prove to friends and family that I had the ideal life and the ideal moments with my ideal kids. Instead, I focused on only using my phone for a brief moment to capture the beautiful messiness of life—or I put it away entirely.
3. Spend Time in Nature
I prioritized going on a walk with my children daily. We weren’t always happy about the prospect of facing the unsavory elements, but we went. There were days I had to drag the two of them out the door behind me, but we did it. There’s something peaceful, centering, and calming about being in nature. The philosopher Thoreau noticed that nature doesn’t hurry, but everything is still accomplished.26 It’s a beautiful daily reminder to our souls that we don’t need to speed through life.
Change for You… Because You’re Worth It
“The price of anything is the amount of life you’re willing to trade for it.” Henry David Thoreau2
You can’t change for your children. You can’t change for your partner. You can’t change for your friends. True change comes from within—for you! True change is hard, overwhelming, and messy. True change is scary. It means taking two steps forward and one step back. It’s about rediscovering ourselves. The journey isn’t for the faint of heart, but it’s worth all the effort. And you, my friend, are worth the effort. You are no weak woman.
Sources
Uniyal, P. (2023). What is superwoman syndrome and how to deal with it. Hindustan Times. https://www.hindustantimes.com/lifestyle/relationships/what-is-superwoman-syndrome-and-how-to-deal-with-it-101680511094559.html 2. Thoreau, H. D. (1854/2023). Walden: Deluxe Edition - The Complete Unabridged Original Text from 1854. Independently published.
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Meet the expert:
Alyssa, author of Mommy Needs A Minute, who lives with her husband and two toddler boys in the remote countryside of Washington state. A millennial mom navigating the parenting challenges of today's demanding world, Alyssa brings her personal experiences, background in English and anthropology, and a unique blend of empathy and expertise to fellow mothers. Join her in exploring heavily-researched tools to reduce burnout, reclaim overall well-being, and rediscover an empowered you.
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