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I often ask myself, what would life be like if my family had remained in Trinidad? As a 10-year- old child preparing to migrate to a new country, I witnessed my parents selling everything they owned to afford the move. Upon arrival to the United States, it was evident that New York would change the trajectory of my life, however, I had no idea where I was headed.
1. Resilience and Adaptability: There are many factors that come into play as we grow into adulthood. When others describe me, they say I’m funny, responsible, trustworthy, a great friend, and the best gift-giver. These traits developed out of a need to not allow my childhood trauma dictate who I become as an adult. I grew up in a household of alcoholism and abuse. If you asked me if the strength and tenacity within me today are a result of my teenage years, the answer would be a resounding yes! I am definitely my father’s child when it comes to my temper, but I also became my mother’s warrior. If they gave out medals for being the black sheep of the family, you’d find me on the highest podium. I guess I’ve always been a fighter and advocate, so becoming a social worker made a lot of sense. I came to realize that there comes a point in our lives where trauma becomes context, not an excuse. You have a choice!
2. Understanding True Value and Responsibility: Growing up in a West-Indian household, the rule of law was that you go to school in order to get a high-paying job. I definitely did not follow it because I became a social worker! I graduated with my MSW degree from Stony Brook University, received my first official job at a high school, and started paying back my student loan. After almost 10 years, I was debt-free! I may have been broke, but I was doing the responsible thing, right? Who wouldn’t take almost all of their savings to pay off a loan? Was this the norm? Somewhere along the line, I realized that the norm does not have to be what’s normal. If I had known what I know now, I’d probably be a retired military personnel sipping cocktails on a beach. I would have received housing, food, and a college degree without emptying my bank account. Why didn’t someone explain to me that entering the military did not mean being on the frontline of a war? Why didn’t my school counselor advise me that not everyone needs to go to college? Don’t get me wrong, I still believe education is the best asset we can have. I just wish that my dreams did not result in building someone else’s. This is why I encourage my students to walk the unbeaten path because there are many avenues to success.
Find yours!
We often hear about events or occurrences being blessings in disguise, but do we truly believe it?
3. Facing and Overcoming Marginalization: September 11, 2001, was a beautiful day. I walked into my part-time job at exactly 8:45 a.m. What happened next changed our city, nation, the world, and me. It was a day when the city came together to help one another regardless of race or religion. As I walked across the 59th Street Bridge, I noticed people jumping into random cars because they were unable to walk, phones being offered because others weren’t working, and tears falling from the faces of strangers because of the uncertainty. It was a day I’ll never forget. My experiences afterward? I wish I could erase them from my memory. As I returned to work a few days later, the stares and comments directed at me were something I had never experienced before. Wait! Was I just referred to as a terrorist? What am I missing? Oh, I’m brown! This was the only time I’ve ever experienced and felt the cultural disparity in our country. How did we manage to turn on each other in such a short period of time? I walked with
you just a few days ago and sat next to you on the train so we could all get home to our families. This is what it feels like to be marginalized! The events that followed and the cultural climate we see today in our nation is something we should all be ashamed of. It’s never too late to let your voices be heard. Continued marginalization and oppression should not be a way of life or a choice in how we vote. We’re all fighting for something. Which side will you be on?
4. Learning from Failure and Perseverance: Self-doubt became an emotion I began to experience and deal with ever since 9/11. I graduated from undergrad in December 2011 and decided to apply to the University of the West Indies, Trinidad. I thought to myself, maybe if I leave New York, I would have a greater chance at success because I’m now the picture of people’s ignorance, lack of knowledge, and false beliefs. After I was accepted, I returned to Trinidad and moved into my dorm. This was a process I hated because for those who know me, there’s a place for everything! If my students move something from my desk, they know I’ll be wondering who was in my space. In my home, don’t even get me started. If I see something out of its spot, I must get up to fix it. Maybe it’s the Libra in me, or maybe not. Either way, rules are made to keep everyone and everything in order. For those familiar with life in the Caribbean, rules don’t always apply. Someone is always on lunch, working hours do not exist, and going to the beach is considered a workday. As you can imagine, getting the necessities mirrored the Hunger Games. You may be wondering, what necessities? Well, sleep was a huge commodity that kept being interrupted. I suppose being a new admit meant I needed to be hazed. I’m sorry, I’m from New York, so I’m not going to be awakened at 4 a.m. to go running or do a workout routine for your amusement. I was busy trying to get in touch with someone who could enlighten me as to where my internship was going to take place. Lo and behold, that person was never in their office. Maybe they were at the beach or predicted that we would one day have to work remotely, so they were practicing. Have you guessed what happens next? After two weeks, I packed up, withdrew, and returned to New York. It was clear that even among those who looked like me, I didn’t have a sense of belonging there either. Upon my return, I put all of my eggs in one basket and applied to Stony Brook University. My brother was a recent graduate, and my sister was currently pursuing her bachelor’s degree. I was accepted, and the family tradition came to a close two years later when my sister and I graduated together. My advice? Trust the timing of your life and when you feel like quitting, think about why you started.
5. Finding Purpose and Leading with Empathy The rest of my story played out with countless second-guessing, self-oppression, self-sabotage and eventually the beginning of self- actualization. All I knew after graduation was that I wanted teenagers to have a better experience than I had during my high school years. How do I make this happen? I attended a job fair and stumbled upon the former assistant principal of my current job while walking out the door. I had given up because a lot of the schools were solely looking for teachers. Who needs a social worker? Well, now most people do, but back then, nobody did. I heard someone say, “social worker,” and I said to myself, that’s me! I stood in line and waited for my turn to speak with him. We had a great conversation, and I was told to do the online application. Me? I’m being considered? Okay? Just my luck, after mustering up the courage to apply, the listing wasn’t even on their website. Maybe I should just leave it alone and move on. After all, I don’t even have the experience they’ll be looking for. What you should know about me is that within my self-doubt and self-sabotage is a feeling that I deserve all the greatness out there. So, I emailed the assistant principal. It turns out, he wasn’t even aware that the listing was never posted. You’re welcome! I should be hired off the bat because of my thoroughness. On the day of my interview, of course, I arrived an hour early so I could deal with my anxiety, talk myself into driving away, sweat for no apparent reason, and then pray for the job. I told you, it’s the Libra in me. The interview was three hours long! So, now I’m thinking, am I hired? “We’ll call you!” How many of us are still waiting for that call? Not me! I was called on a Saturday afternoon but missed it, so I had to call back. I was so nervous, but all of that went away after the offer was made. This job was meant for me. Everything happened the way it should have, and now it’s my turn to teach the kids who look like me that they are also deserving of all the great things this world has to offer.
There isn’t a day that goes by without me wondering if I’m doing enough. As a social worker with almost 20 years of experience, I’m still troubled by the student I do not get through to. I grew up during a different generation. I had a beeper in high school, I went to the library, I learned to type on a typewriter, I listened to music on a boom box, my car radio was removable, my ringtone was recorded from the radio after numerous attempts because the host would interrupt my favorite songs, and my family had a set of Britannica encyclopedias. I had to work for everything that I have today because there was no student support office in my school. I developed my life skills from my own experiences, not because someone taught a social- emotional curriculum in the classroom. All of these and so many more is a direct result of how I try to lead in my job as a social worker, my role as a life coach, and my goals as an entrepreneur.
When I think of the legacy I wish to leave behind, it’s not the amount of money for someone to inherit. It’s the value of my lessons and the intrinsic worth of those who, like me, are trying to find their own path. Remember, the journey is just as beautiful as the destination.
Meet the author:
With nearly 20 years of experience as a social worker, I have navigated the complexities of trauma, resilience, and cultural marginalization, both personally and professionally. Growing up in a challenging household and adapting to life in a new country have shaped my unique perspective and empathetic leadership style. My journey from Trinidad to New York, overcoming adversity and self-doubt, equips me with profound insights into the importance of adaptability, perseverance, and finding one's path.
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