The Courage to Pause: Why True Leadership Sometimes Means Stopping Everything Before Moving Forward

Leadership is knowing when to pause and lead with clarity and integrity.

How many times have you defined your worth as a leader by your capacity to endure challenges? By your ability to keep going when others would stop?

Many women entrepreneurs and business owners operate on the premise that leadership means they should be always “on”. We call it passion. We call it drive. We wear our capacity to push through like armor, and our busyness like a badge of honor that proves we are serious about our work.

We wear our capacity to push through like armor, and our busyness like a badge of honor that proves we are serious about our work.

But is that what leadership truly is?

Those of us who support others professionally — whether as coaches, healers, mentors, or consultants — often feel an unspoken expectation that we must be the strongest person in the room. You are the one people come to for guidance. Because of this, you likely recognize experiencing the urge to keep going, whatever you are personally facing. You feel pressure to show the world that you are capable, resilient, and unwavering.

What happens when the human being behind the leader breaks?

We tend to believe that resilience means bouncing back instantly, or better still never falling down in the first place. I have come to see a shadow side to this definition. This version of resilience often becomes a way of masking vulnerability. A way to keep up appearances of the “professional you” while hiding the struggles of the “true you”.

If there is a disconnect between who you are on the inside (depleted) and who you are presenting to the world (strong), you are no longer leading. You are performing.

If there is a disconnect between who you are on the inside (depleted) and who you are presenting to the world (strong), you are no longer leading. You are performing.

You probably know it is important to look after our physical and mental health. In the conversation about mental health and leadership, we often hear advice about "self-care" (bubble baths and delegation) or "boundaries" (no emails after 8 PM). While helpful, mostly these are mere band-aids rather than healing. Sometimes, the most strategic business decision you can make isn't to push through or pivot.

Sometimes, what you truly need is to fully stop and pause.

Leading by Example: Practice What You Preach

Three years ago, the universe didn’t just invite me to slow down; it stopped me in my tracks.

I had a serious accident and broke my leg in three places. I was in a wheelchair for over six months, on heavy pain medication for nearly a year, and had to undergo several surgeries. This physical trauma came on the heels of a difficult year involving a painful relationship breakup, a forced move, and the start of a new job.

As a coach and inner leadership mentor with a background in meditation and healing, I have always aimed to practice what I preach. In my work with clients, I am open about my own struggles. They often tell me they appreciate me showing vulnerability – that this makes me authentic and “real.” I emphasize true leadership does not mean being perfect and that there is not really a difference between caring for others or self-care; rather, to truly care for others, you must also care for yourself.

Yet, when the accident happened and after the initial couple of months of recovery it became apparent that both physical and mental recuperation would take way longer than expected, I found myself wrestling with the very advice I give others.

Intellectually, I knew I had to take whatever time needed to heal, even if that meant pausing my business for a longer period. But emotionally, I struggled with this. I felt that by stepping away, I was letting my business and my momentum die. It triggered a deep, gnawing insecurity: Am I a failure?

However, taking a full break was the ultimate way of practicing what I preach and to lead by example. But in the moment, it didn’t feel like that. It felt like defeat. It took time and practice to truly accept that pausing was not an act of giving up; it was an act of true resilience, of integrity and leadership.

The Framework: From Awareness to Action, through Acceptance

To navigate this challenge, I leaned on a framework I developed years ago – part of the core methodology I use in all my coaching, training, and healing work with clients, as well as in my own life. This consists of three phases: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

I have guided countless clients through this process to help them navigate leadership hurdles and personal growth. The most common pitfall is that we often try to skip the middle step. Once we become aware of what we want to change, we want to straight away take action fix it. But your actions cannot be aligned when they are not rooted in acceptance of where you are actually at in the present moment.

1. Awareness: Listening to Your Inner Wisdom

You cannot to action to change if you are not aware of what is going on. Awareness is usually present, even if we try to ignore it. It is that quiet, nagging sense of misalignment. You might rationalize it as "just a busy quarter" or "but I don’t have time for this." But if you listen to your inner wisdom, you know the truth. For instance, you will know whether you just need to take it easy, or whether you need to fully stop and pause.

2. Acceptance: The Paradox of Pausing Most people move from Awareness straight to Action because they feel the urge to quickly fix the problem. We bypass being with "what is" because we fear that accepting the situation equals complacency. But here is the truth: Action taken without acceptance is reaction. It comes from a place of resistance linked to the energy of the problem — something we are aware of but desperate to push away.

Note: Acceptance is not about liking the situation. I did not like being in a wheelchair. I did not like pausing my business. But accepting it meant acknowledging: "This is my reality in this moment.” When you truly accept reality, you stop fighting it. Only then, your subsequent action can come from clarity and knowing what you actually need in this moment.

3. Action: Aligned Next Steps

Taking action is not just about what we do, but also why we do it. Once you have truly accepted the situation, the action changes. For instance, If I had paused my business out of bitterness or victimhood, it would have been a defeat. But because I moved through acceptance, the pause became a strategic choice made from self-compassion.

This way of taking action requires immense trust and surrendering to taking the step you know is right for you, even if you are not certain of the outcome.

For instance, when pausing your business it requires you to trust that your worth is not tied to your productivity, that your clients will respect your humanity and that if you lose clients during your pause, you will attract new, aligned clients upon your return.

The Return: Leading from Wholeness

So, what happens after you paused?

If you move through Awareness into Acceptance and finally take the Action of pausing, something remarkable happens. When you allow yourself to stop, you are not just "recharging batteries" like a machine. During a true pause, your brain finally exits survival mode. You regain access to your intuition and creativity. If you surrender to the pause, you will know when it is the right time to come back to your business.

I discovered that by taking the time to truly recover — physically and mentally — is the only way I can prepare for my return to business. Worrying or wishing when that will be exactly does not expedite the process. All I can do is be aware, accept what is, and take action, one small step at the time.

That way I can serve my clients with integrity and leadership.

A Call to Courage

It is easy to grind. Grinding is validated by society. It is praised on LinkedIn. It is understood by our families. It is incredibly difficult to stop. If you feel a nudge of awareness that something needs to change, I invite you not to rush to fix it. Do not simply apply a "self-care" bandage. Ask yourself: “What do I need, in this moment?” If the answer is "I need to rest and heal," then take the bravest action a leader can take: Stop and Pause.

Tessa van Keeken — Inner Leadership Mentor

Meet the expert:

Tessa van Keeken is an experienced coach, consultant, and trainer with a background in Social Studies and International Relations & Conflict Studies, who specialises in

in holding space, building bridges, and bringing people together.

Tessa is the founder of the Embrace movement, a community for leaders, coaches, consultants, and others who support people professionally. She guides conscious leaders and changemakers on a healing transformational journey of self-discovery and personal, professional, and spiritual growth.

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