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Ally or Accomplice?
- Natalie Petersen
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 6 hours ago
Ain’t Nothing But Room for Us Here
Contrary to my once all-consuming mission to be everyone’s cup of tea (and their cat’s meow, and their go-to, complete with headset and fanny pack, Jennifer-Lopez-like BTS bestie), I’ve come to peace with a bigger truth:
Many folks don’t get me.
ACK!
I can’t believe I shared that out loud.
They just don’t like my vibe. Or they just don’t want what I’m selling.
And honestly?
I’m finally not here to be liked.
I’m here to love. Loudly. Messily. Unapologetically.
Because I’m not just your Ally.
I’m your Accomplice.
And that’s my decision, not yours.
No matter how uncomfortable it makes you, no matter how cringey or inconvenient or complicated it gets—I’m still standing with you.
Your humanity qualifies you.
Ain’t no getting rid of me now.
Ally or Accomplice: what’s the difference, anyway?
We throw around the word ally like it’s a badge. However, from where I stand—and from several key influencers and thought leaders I follow—allyship is just the beginning.
Being an Ally means you’ve made the brave choice to care.
You’re listening, learning, unlearning. You’re watching the arena and feeling the feels, still reacting but also listening longer and harder so you can respond instead—holding your heart from an actual place
of energetic action when the hard stuff unfolds.
And the world needs you.
Let me say that again:
WE. NEED. YOU.
And we need the Accomplice.
That’s another layer. It’s the super sticky sometimes icky layer into which I’ve dug my old-lady-but-born- again creative and lover-of-life self. There are more than a few folks who have me fascinated with their ability to maneuver the complexities!
It’s complex, because this layer means proximity.
This layer requires presence.
In this layer, you’re not looking for a way out—you’re looking for where you can hold the line.
An Accomplice doesn’t wait for a cue or a curated moment.
She’s already moving while the phone is still ringingggg…
Want a visual? Here’s one that changed everything for me.
I cannot for the life of me recall where I first heard this distinction, and though Google is so very thoughtful with its results, I am without a human I can confidently source.
Alas, it stuck, and it changed key thought patterns for me at a very critical point in my life.
The photo I submitted for the June 2025 issue of Her Nation Magazine is from an all-day, four-part editorial shoot I commissioned from award-winning boudoir and portrait photographer Lisa Gullo of
Dark Moon Studios in Fort Collins, Colorado.
This particular set of snaps was called #ACCOMPLICE.
No, no one paid for this for me.
It was an investment of mine alone.
And I was petrified.
See, I was in a total mental spin-out. Lisa will tell you: there was a buzz about me that had me skittish but motivated, anxious but sincere—so completely focused and yet so wildly unsure.
In a tool of my own I crafted after too many years of a career in (and consuming too much) marketing, I had decided to boil myself down to four words. They had to be hashtags. ‘Cuz, you know. Algorithms
and all.
Head’s up! If I die tomorrow, here are the four hashtags I’d like on the posts announcing my passing, I decided:
Ooooooh yes, I thought about each and every one of those words—you bet I did. Meditated and all kinds of other woo-type shit. And I’ve got a story for each I’ll happily tell you if you’d like to hear it.
I call it ‘campfire time,’ and I’m starting my summer calendar.
But right now?
Let’s talk about Accomplice.
Here’s the metaphor that locked it in:
The Ally sees your name on the screen at 3am in HER time zone.
She answers. She listens. She comforts. She tells you she’s proud of you for reaching out.
She might not have the capacity to show up physically, that’s not your business. She’s right there on the line.
And that love? It matters.
The Accomplice?
She sees your name and she’s already lacing up her boots.
She’s throwing things in a bag before she even says hello.
She’s mentally scanning the next 72 hours of her life to figure out how to move toward you.
She might not even know what’s going on—but she trusts the call. She trusts you.
And she’s on her way.
STOP. Don’t start comparing yourself!
This isn’t a ranking. This isn’t a competition, and I beg you to not make it one.
ONE IS NOT GOOD OR BAD, RIGHT OR WRONG, BETTER OR BEST.
You are not late. You are not unqualified. You are not on the outside.
YOU BELONG HERE, TOO.
Exactly as you are. Learning, listening, stumbling, standing back up. Showing up in whatever way you can—with courage.
Good enough is GREAT enough.
ENOUGH is exactly that.
In all of its YES’s and EEK’s and Oh, HELL NO’s, your messy commitment is perfect. And it matters.
This is what you hear of as Arena Floor work.
Ever heard Brené Brown talk about it?
“A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor.They hurl judgment and advice. But the arena is where the magic happens.”
THIS is the Arena Floor—and it’s a full spectrum of humanity.
Half the crowd is singing and celebrating. The other half is tending to bodies. And every single one of them is sacred.
This is not performative. This is participatory. This is where the real work of human transformation lives.
And here’s what I want you to know. Again. And again. Until you actually hear me:
There is a place for every single one of us in this work.
Ally. Accomplice. Curious observer. First-timer. Reformed asshole.
It doesn’t matter. This path is all-inclusive, all-you-can-eat, BYO-life, pick-your-own-ending.
You don’t have to know everything. (Spoiler alert: you don’t.)
You just have to be willing.
Willing to answer the call. Willing to stay in the room. Willing to bring your gifts to the circle of humans—whether that’s your body, a voice, a song, a checkbook, a casserole, or a prayer.
You don’t have to like me for this to work. And I’m not going to ask for your permission to love you.
But I will show up for you. In grief. In rage. In joy. In resistance. In repair.
(Oh, and in business. Who has time to make a distinction anymore?!)
My bag is packed, regardless.
Meet the expert:
Natalie Petersen is a communications strategist, published author, and community activator who lives at the intersection of curiosity, consciousness, and calling things what they really are. She’s spent over 25 years helping people find their voice, tell the truth, and create impact that actually matters. When she’s not thinking out loud on social media or hosting a live podcast with a fascinating guest, she’s probably somewhere reminding you out loud or in a handwritten note passed across the conference table...joy is the spiritual practice.
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