How to Learn to Finally Love Yourself

Self-love lives within — unveil it and heal.

There’s a part of you that already knows how to love you.

She’s calm. Wise. Complete. She’s not someone you become — she’s someone you unveil.

In my work as a health coach, I call her your Soul Self — the part of you that’s always been whole, even when life told you otherwise. The challenge isn’t in finding her. It’s in peeling back the layers — the veils — that have been placed over her.

Each veil is a story you were told, or came to believe, about who you are.

You're too much. You're not enough. You’re hard to love. You have to earn rest. You have to prove your worth.

These aren’t truths — they’re experiences. But when we mistake them for identity, we end up living from what I call Life Self — the version of us shaped by roles, rules, and programming.The more veils we carry, the harder it is to feel the love that already lives within us.

That disconnect — the distance between Soul Self and Life Self — is what I call Soul Inflammation. And if you’ve ever struggled to love yourself, you’ve felt it.

Here’s the truth:

Self-love isn’t something you find. It’s something you uncover.

My Method for Loving Yourself (From the Inside Out)

This is the exact process I used — the one I now teach my clients. I didn’t name it until later, but I lived it long before it became my framework. It’s how I reversed autoimmune symptoms

without medication. It’s how I stopped loathing myself. And it’s how I live a joyful life now — not a perfect one, but one rooted in deep peace.

It starts with the Soul Inflammation Method — Awareness. Excavation. Truth. Action.

Let me show you what that looks like using one of my own old self-beliefs:

“I’m stupid.”

This used to run on repeat in my head — cruel and constant. I could win awards, build businesses, raise incredible children… and still, this one phrase would whisper (or shout) in the background. Let’s walk through the Soul Inflammation Method using that exact belief.

1. Awareness

The first step is just to notice. How do you speak to yourself?

What’s the phrase that replays most often in your mind? Hoe does this make my body feel?

For me, it was: “I’m stupid.”

Awareness doesn’t ask you to fix anything. This is not Awareness + Judgment. This is simply:

Oh. There’s that thought again.

That alone is powerful.

2. Excavation

Now comes the curiosity.

Where did that come from?

When did I first think that?

Who was I around? What was happening?

For me, “I’m stupid” came from moments in childhood where I was dismissed or misunderstood.I internalized that experience and started wearing it like a veil. But the more I asked questions —

with love, not blame — the more I could see: This belief wasn’t mine. It was handed to me.

3. Truth

Here’s the reframe.

The truth is: I am not stupid. I am Soul Self. I am capable, creative, and wise.

My Life Self — the version carrying that old belief — was just shaped by past experiences. But those experiences aren’t the whole story.

When I look at my life, I see evidence that contradicts the “I’m stupid” story. I’ve created beautiful things. I’ve led teams. I’ve navigated challenges with grit and grace. I’ve figured out hard things. So, no — that belief isn’t true.

4. Action

The final step is choosing to act in alignment with the truth.

Here’s what I did:

• I started a simple 5-minute morning practice to affirm who I really am. Not just positive affirmations. Feeling the truth of who I AM!

• I noticed I often repeated the “I’m stupid” script around a certain people — so I limited my time with them.

• I caught the voice, and instead of shaming it, I gently gave the voice space to express herself without judgment. I honored not loathed that part of me.

These may sound small. But they were everything.

Self-Love Isn’t Out There — It’s Inside You, Beneath the

Veils

Self-love isn’t a destination. It’s a daily relationship. And the closer you live to your Soul Self, the more naturally that love flows.

Your physical symptoms start to shift. Your energy returns. Your choices change. Your life begins to feel like it fits again.

Just the other day, I was on the phone with my sister, working on a project for my coaching practice. I paused and said, “Dee… I can’t believe how happy I am.” And I meant it.

Not because I don’t have problems. But because I’m not waiting for my life to feel different in order to love myself.

She laughed and said, “I don’t know, I think I might be even happier.”

I said, “Well, then we’ll tie. Because I might be the happiest person on Earth.”

We’re both using the Soul Inflammation Method. And it works.

It doesn’t require perfection. It just asks for presence.

A Gentle Invitation

What’s one thought you’ve been carrying that doesn’t feel true anymore?

Can you pause today and give it a little space — not to fix it, but to see it?

That’s the beginning of everything. It’s a NEW way to see healing.

Debbie Roppo — Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach , Founder, Debbie Roppo Health Coach

Meet the expert:

Debbie Roppo is a Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach who founded Debbie Roppo Health Coach in 2018 after reversing her Rheumatoid Arthritis in 2013. With advanced training in Integrative Nutrition and Emotional Eating Psychology, she empowers women to heal and thrive. She created the Soul Inflammation Method to help women realign mind, body, and spirit, bridging the gap between who they are and who they want to be.

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