
Grief may cast a shadow, but within it lies the journey to healing.
Losing someone to suicide is a grief like no other. It is not just the absence of the person but also the unanswered questions, the "what-ifs," and the profound silence they leave behind. The journey of navigating this loss is deeply personal and yet universally heartbreaking. As a psychologist and someone who has walked this path personally, I hope to share insights that might provide some solace, clarity, and perhaps a way forward for those grappling with this profound loss.
In Portuguese, there is a phrase: “A saudade não se explica; sente-se,” meaning, “Longing cannot be explained; it is felt.” This longing, this ache for what once was, becomes a part of us. But within this ache, there is room for healing and connection. Here are some truths I’ve learned along the way.
1. It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
Grief is not linear, and it does not adhere to a timeline. Some days, the pain will feel like a tidal wave, and on others, it might just be a quiet, lingering ache. Both are valid. There is no “right” way to grieve.
Society often pressures us to “move on” or “stay strong,” but healing requires allowing yourself to feel. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to laugh at a cherished memory, laugh. Let your emotions guide you; they are not your enemy but your companions on this journey.
The Japanese concept of "mono no aware", the bittersweet beauty of impermanence, reminds us that even in loss, there is meaning. Grief is love’s echo, a testament to the depth of our connection.
2. It’s Not Your Fault
One of the heaviest burdens in losing someone to suicide is the guilt. You replay conversations, dissect moments, and wonder what you could have done differently. But here is the truth: Suicide is rarely about one moment or one relationship. It is often the result of an overwhelming accumulation of pain, mental health struggles, and circumstances beyond anyone’s control.
I have had clients tell me, “If only I had known…” My response is always gentle but firm: What if they knew you cared deeply? Chances are, they did. Their decision was not a reflection of your love or efforts but of their internal battle. Blaming yourself only deepens the wound.
3. Lean on Support, Your Own and Others’
Isolation often follows loss, especially when it stems from something as stigmatized as suicide. But healing thrives in connection. Seek out loved ones who can hold space for your grief. Join support groups where shared experiences can bring understanding and comfort. And don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist; professional guidance can help untangle the complex emotions that come with this kind of loss.

Collective grief has a way of softening the sharp edges of pain. In sharing your story, you may find not only solace but also strength, a reminder that you are not alone.
4. Honor Their Memory in a Meaningful Way
Finding ways to remember and celebrate your loved one can bring a sense of peace. Whether it’s through creating a photo album, donating to a cause they cared about, or simply lighting a candle in their honor, these acts can help keep their spirit alive in your life.
The Irish saying, "Ní bheidh a leithéid arís ann," translates to, "Their like will never be seen again.” It is a reminder to cherish what made them unique, even as you mourn their absence.
5. Healing Takes Time and Patience
Healing is not a destination but a journey. There will be setbacks and moments of overwhelming sadness, but there will also be glimpses of hope and light. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself permission to heal at your own pace.
The Spanish proverb “No hay mal que dure cien años,” meaning, “No evil lasts a hundred years,” speaks to the impermanence of even the darkest times. While the pain may never fully disappear, it softens, making room for new beginnings.
Finding Your Anchor
Here is an exercise I often recommend to my clients:
Write down a cherished memory of your loved one. Describe it in vivid detail, the sights, sounds, and emotions of that moment.
Reflect on how that memory makes you feel now. Allow yourself to experience those emotions fully.
Write a message to your loved one. Imagine they could hear you. What would you say? What do you wish they knew?
This practice can be both cathartic and grounding, helping you reconnect with the love that remains.
You Are Not Alone
The loss of a loved one to suicide is a heartbreak that reshapes your world. But you don’t have to navigate it alone. Whether through therapy, community, or simply sharing your story, there is support and understanding waiting for you.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please seek immediate help. Globally, resources like the Suicide Prevention Lifeline provide 24/7 support.
In the words of French philosopher Albert Camus, “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.” Hold onto that hope. Even in the darkest times, there is light to be found within yourself, within others, and within the love that endures.


Meet the expert:
Shikha Kaushik is a psychologist and founder of Heal and Revive. With a passion for mental health and women empowerment, she has supported individuals worldwide in cultivating resilience, self-awareness, and emotional well-being. Through her work, Shikha combines empathy, expertise, and practical tools to inspire lasting positive change.
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