Leadership Without Guilt: Why Real Strength Includes SteppingAway
- CHERI DIXON
- 19 hours ago
- 5 min read
We talk a lot about self-care in leadership. Almost too much, honestly. Bubble baths, candles, yoga mats, morning routines. And while all of that is important, I think we’ve missed a much more honest and necessary conversation: the guilt leaders feel for taking basic human breaks.
Not spa days.
Not luxury.
Not indulgence.
Lunch.
Breathing.
Leaving the office before dark.
Taking a day off without apology.
Recently, I was talking with another leader about something that really got me thinking. She said she felt guilty for taking time to eat lunch. Not skipping a meeting. Not leaving early. Just… eating. Sitting still long enough to refuel her body. And she said it like it was a confession.
If you’re a woman in leadership, that probably didn’t surprise you. It probably sounded familiar.
Because somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that leadership meant sacrifice at all costs. That if we weren’t the first ones in and the last ones out, we weren’t doing it right. That if we weren’t involved in every detail, every decision, every fire, then we weren’t “real” leaders. That rest was weakness and boundaries were optional.
I lived in that belief system for years.
I worked in schools, where the culture of hustle is practically built into the walls. I believed that if my day wasn’t centered completely on work, without even five minutes to breathe, then I wasn’t showing enough commitment. I believed I should have my hands on every piece of the puzzle. I believed I should never leave before my teachers did. I believed I should never stop moving.
And I wore that like a badge of honor.
Until it started costing me.
What I didn’t realize at first was that I wasn’t becoming a better leader. I was becoming a more exhausted one. A more reactive one. A more irritable one. A leader who was present, but not fully resourced. I wasn’t showing up as my best self for my people. I was showing up as my “still standing” self.
I wasn’t becoming a better leader. I was becoming a more exhausted one. A more reactive one. A more irritable one. A leader who was present, but not fully resourced.
There is a difference.
The turning point for me wasn’t dramatic. It didn’t come with a breakdown or a big moment. It came with awareness. I realized I was burned out, stressed, and overwhelmed, and the leadership I was giving was “okay.” Not great or inspired. Just surviving.
So, I made one small rule for myself. I left campus for lunch. Not to go sit in a restaurant or to have a long, luxurious break. But to get in my car.
Sometimes I picked up lunch.
Sometimes it was just a soda or a coffee.
Sometimes I brought my lunch from home and drove anyway.
I let the sun hit my face.
I let the air move around me.
I let myself breathe.
Five to ten minutes. That was it.
But that small act did more for my stress level and my resilience than almost anything else I tried. It gave me something to look forward to. It gave my nervous system a reset. It reminded me that I was a human before I was a leader.
And I came back better. More focused. More patient. More grounded. That tiny pocket of space made me stronger, not softer.
The second shift I made was even harder. I gave myself permission to leave at the end of the day even if I wasn’t the last one in the building.
That one took work.
Because I had built my identity around being the hardest worker in the room. And while I still believe leaders should work hard, I no longer believe they should work at the expense of their humanity.
I still believe leaders should work hard, I no longer believe they should work at the expense of their humanity.
I started choosing specific days when I would leave on time. Not irresponsibly. Not without preparation. The big things were always covered. The building was always supported. My team was always informed. But I allowed myself to trust my systems and my people.
And that trust changed everything. It showed my team that leadership is about delegation, not domination. It modeled sustainability instead of sacrifice. It created space for others to lead.
Strong leadership is not about being everywhere. It is about building something that functions even when you step away.
The most radical thing I did, though, came later. I started taking time off.
I had gone more than fifteen years without missing work unless it was something major for my daughter. Perfect attendance. Every contract day was honored. Every expectation met. I told myself I was being responsible. Loyal. Dedicated.
What I learned later was that I wasn’t being balanced. I was being rigid.
When I left the principal role and saw how much unused time I had accumulated, it hit me: I had traded rest I was entitled to for exhaustion I didn’t need.
So, I changed my approach. I began taking one Thursday or Friday off a month, strategically planned. The building was covered. My leadership team was prepared.
Nothing fell apart, and my perspective shifted. Having those days on the calendar changed how I handled hard weeks. I knew a pause was coming. I knew space was built in. It gave me stamina. It gave me patience. It gave me resilience.
And something else happened that surprised me. I became a better leader.
Because leadership isn’t proven by how long you can grind. It’s proven by how well you can sustain. Burned-out leaders don’t build strong organizations. Resourced leaders do.
This isn’t about being lazy, lowering expectations, or about avoiding responsibility. This is about recognizing that guilt-driven leadership is not healthy leadership.
And women carry this guilt differently. We feel responsible for everyone. We internalize pressure. We equate worth with productivity. And we apologize for rest.
But here is the truth: when you model rest, boundaries, and balance, you give your people permission to do the same. You create healthier cultures. You normalize sustainability. You shift the narrative.
Leadership doesn’t require you to disappear as a person. t requires you to show up whole.
Whether you are a CEO, a principal, an entrepreneur, a manager, or a business owner, this message holds:
You are allowed to eat lunch.
You are allowed to step outside.
You are allowed to leave when your work is done.
You are allowed to trust your team.
You are allowed to take a day off.
You are allowed to breathe.
That is not weakness. That is wisdom. Because the leaders who last are not the ones who sacrifice themselves. They are the ones who build systems that honor both excellence and humanity.
And that is a legacy worth leaving.
Meet the expert:
Cheri Dixon is an Educational Coach, Consultant, and Leadership Expert with over 30 years of experience transforming classrooms and schools into thriving communities of learning. A former principal turned international best-selling author, TEDx speaker, and podcaster, Cheri helps educators and leaders “do hard better” by aligning people, processes, and purpose. Passionate about building strong, heart-centered leadership, she empowers others to lead with courage, clarity, and compassion.
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