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In a world that constantly tells us to do more, be more, and look like that influencer with perfect skin and a curated life, learning to love yourself can feel like trying to solve a Rubik's cube in the dark. But here’s the secret: self-love isn’t a puzzle to solve. It’s a journey, and everyone’s path looks a little different. You don’t need to become a different person to feel worthy of love—you just need to reconnect with who you already are.
As a psychologist, I’ve seen firsthand how the lack of self-compassion can hold people back in their personal and professional lives. The truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup, and loving yourself is the most sustainable way to refill that cup daily. So how do you get there? Let’s break it down.
1. Ditch Perfectionism: You’re Not a Robot, and That’s a Good Thing
If we had a dollar for every time someone said, "I’ll love myself when I’m perfect," we’d all be millionaires by now. Perfectionism is the enemy of self-love because it sets unattainable standards. Guess what? You’re human. You make mistakes. You spill coffee on your favorite shirt and sometimes forget people’s names right after they introduce themselves. That’s called being normal.
To start loving yourself, let go of the need to be perfect. Instead, focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate the small victories and be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Real love happens in the messy moments.
2. Set Boundaries and Guard Your Energy
Here’s the deal: You can’t love yourself if you’re constantly bending over backward to please everyone else. Imagine trying to water a garden while letting everyone else take your watering can. Before long, your plants (your self-care) wither away.
Healthy boundaries are a cornerstone of self-love. Saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s self-preservation. If you’re always saying “yes” to things that drain your energy, you’re saying “no” to yourself. Learn to protect your time, energy, and mental health, and watch how much easier it becomes to love the person in the mirror.
3. Talk to Yourself Like You’d Talk to Your Best Friend
When your best friend is feeling down, do you say, “Wow, you’re such a failure, I can’t believe you didn’t ace that presentation”? No way! You remind them of their strengths, their resilience, and how amazing they are. So why do we speak to ourselves with so much harshness?
Changing your inner dialogue is a game-changer. The next time you catch yourself in a spiral of negative self-talk, pause and ask: Would I say this to someone I care about? If the answer is no, it’s time to rewrite that script. Talk to yourself like you’re your own best friend—because, spoiler alert, you are.
4. Embrace Your Flaws and Celebrate Your Quirks
Everyone’s got something about themselves they’d like to change. Maybe you think your laugh is too loud, or you’ve got a habit of overthinking everything. But here’s the magic of self-love: it’s about embracing your whole self, flaws and all.
The things you see as imperfections? They’re often what make you unique and lovable. The sooner you stop trying to fit into some cookie-cutter version of who you “should” be, the sooner you’ll realize that being authentically you is your greatest asset.
5. Practice Gratitude for Yourself
We’re all pretty good at being thankful for the things around us—the roof over our heads, the friends in our lives, the endless supply of memes on the internet. But how often do we express gratitude for ourselves?
Make it a daily habit to acknowledge something you’re proud of or thankful for about yourself. Did you navigate a tough day at work with grace? Celebrate that. Did you make time for self-care, even if it was just five minutes? Appreciate that. Gratitude fosters a mindset of abundance, and when you focus on what’s good, you create space for more of it—including self-love.
6. Create a Ritual of Self-Care (No, It’s Not Selfish)
Somewhere along the way, society decided that self-care was selfish. Let’s clear that up: self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will? Self-love thrives on the foundation of self-care, and it’s not just about bubble baths and candles (although, if that’s your thing, go for it!).
Your self-care ritual can be anything that nourishes your mind, body, and soul. It might be journaling in the morning, going for a walk, reading a book, or simply sitting in silence for a few minutes each day. Whatever it looks like, prioritize it like you would any other commitment—because you are worth it.
7. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
You become the average of the people you spend the most time with, so make sure those people lift you up. Surround yourself with individuals who support your growth, who love and accept you for who you are, and who encourage you to keep evolving.
If your current circle doesn’t reflect that, it might be time to reassess those relationships. Cultivating an environment of positivity and encouragement is key to fostering self-love.
8. Keep Evolving, But Stay Grounded in Who You Are
Self-love isn’t a destination; it’s an ongoing journey. You’ll have good days, and you’ll have days where you’re not quite feeling the love—and that’s okay. The goal is to stay committed to your growth while staying grounded in who you are at your core.
Give yourself the grace to grow, the patience to stumble, and the strength to keep moving forward. Self-love is an evolution, not a revolution.
In Conclusion: You Are Worthy of Love Right Now
Learning to love yourself isn’t about reaching some mythical state of perfection. It’s about accepting and celebrating who you are, right here, right now. It’s about giving yourself the same kindness and compassion that you give others.
And if that still feels like a daunting task, remember this: You’ve survived 100% of your hardest days, and that’s something to love about yourself.
Meet the expert:
Shikha Kaushik is a psychologist and founder of Heal and Revive. With a passion for mental health and women empowerment, she has helped individuals worldwide cultivate a balanced and self-loving mindset. Shikha combines psychology, mindfulness, and personal empowerment to inspire lasting, positive change.
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